Mr. Van Wilder always said,

Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.

Are you stalking me? 'Cause that would be super.

Hey, look. That old bag is stronger than she looks.

And thus, 'Topless Tutors' was born.

Sharing a half-calf latte and a penalty box with Gwen Pearson who believes that censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.

Don't be a fool, stay in school.

Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.

All this time I thought I was more to you than some flaccid story.

You must be Pre-Med Dick.

Her name is Naomi. That's 'I MOAN' backwards.

Richard, you rascal, you never told me you were a DIK! [under breath] Not that you had to.

I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... medulla oblongata's.

Well, it is the NAKED mile run; everyone else will be in their birthday suits. Except for that guy...

Write that down.

Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.

Those circus midgets can NOT hold their booze!

Oh God. If he's here who's running hell?

I learned a long time ago you can't treat every situation like it's life and death. Cause you'll die a lot of times.

Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you, even if you know it's someplace you know you're not supposed to be.